Behavior-Based Leadership
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SEPTEMBER 15, 2025
Emotional Hijacking:Recognizing and Responding with Intentionality
Introduction
The concept of being “emotionally hijacked” describes moments when strong emotions, particularly fear, anger, or anxiety override rational thought and lead individuals to act impulsively. This state occurs when the brain’s emotional centers, particularly the amygdala, override the prefrontal cortex’s capacity for logical reasoning (Goleman, 1995). Emotional hijacking is not merely a matter of “losing one’s temper”; it reflects a neurobiological response that prioritizes immediate survival over deliberate consideration. While such reactions may be adaptive in life-threatening situations, they can be destructive in interpersonal or professional contexts. Recognizing and managing emotional hijacking is essential for leaders, followers, and professionals seeking to maintain credibility, build trust, and respond effectively rather than react impulsively.
What It Means to Be Emotionally Hijacked
An emotional hijack occurs when the amygdala perceives a threat, real or perceived, and initiates the body’s “fight, flight, or freeze” response before the rational brain has time to assess the situation (LeDoux, 1996). For example, a manager receiving unexpected criticism might feel attacked (threat), triggering anger that leads to shouting, shutting down, or immediate defensiveness. In this moment, behavior is dictated more by primal survival instincts than by reasoned decision-making. We are social creatures and if something causes us to fear for our social position, standing, status, etc., it just like a physical attack response in our brain.
The consequences of repeated hijacking can be significant. In professional environments, emotional hijacking can erode trust, damage reputations, and reduce psychological safety for teams (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005). In personal relationships, it can create cycles of conflict and miscommunication. Importantly, these reactions often occur without conscious awareness; individuals only realize after the fact that their reaction was disproportionate to the situation.
Moving from Reaction to Response
An emotional reaction is an automatic, instinctive behavior driven by heightened emotions, often without deliberate thought, while a conscious response is a purposeful action chosen after pausing to reflect, aligning behavior with one’s values and desired outcomes. In short, reactions are impulsive and immediate, whereas responses are intentional and thoughtful.
Avoiding emotional hijacking does not mean suppressing emotions, it means cultivating the ability to recognize triggers and choose intentional responses. Emotional intelligence (EI) research demonstrates that self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy are core to navigating emotionally charged moments (Mayer et al., 2008). Developing these skills allows individuals to notice physiological signals, such as increased heart rate, muscle tension, or racing thoughts that precede an emotional hijack and pause before acting.
Practical strategies include mindful breathing (counting to 10 while deep breathing), knowing your triggers, labeling emotions, and creating a pause between stimulus and response (Kabat-Zinn, 2003). For instance, pausing to take three deep breaths or mentally naming one’s emotion (“I feel angry”) can shift brain activity back toward the prefrontal cortex, enabling more thoughtful responses. Leaders may also benefit from preparing scripts or reframing techniques, such as asking clarifying questions rather than issuing defensive statements, when confronted with stressful interactions.
Putting It All Together
Responding Appropriately in Context
Responding instead of reacting means aligning behavior with values and long-term goals rather than short-term emotional relief. An appropriate response often involves considering the needs of others, the context, and the potential consequences of words or actions. For example, instead of lashing out when criticized, a leader can acknowledge the feedback, express a need for time to reflect, and revisit the discussion later with composure. This not only diffuses tension but models constructive behavior for others. Something like, “You know I didn’t realize that about myself, give me some time to think about it a bit.” Then determine how to respond appropriately, professionally, politely and productively.
“Between Stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”
Victor Frankl – Holocaust Survivor, Author of: Man’s Search for Meaning
Organizations that cultivate cultures of emotional awareness and provide training in emotional intelligence see measurable improvements in collaboration, trust, and performance (Cherniss & Goleman, 2001). By embedding practices that encourage reflection and intentional communication, both leaders and followers can strengthen resilience and reduce the likelihood of destructive emotional hijacks.
Being emotionally hijacked represents a common yet manageable human experience. It reflects the tension between the brain’s instinctive survival mechanisms and the capacity for deliberate, values-driven responses. By cultivating self-awareness, practicing mindful strategies, and emphasizing intentional communication, individuals can move from automatic reactions to thoughtful, reflective responses. This shift not only enhances personal well-being but also strengthens professional relationships and organizational effectiveness.
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Quotes to Put into Practice…
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“Emotional intelligence allows us to respond instead of react.” – Unknown
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“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.” – Dale Carnegie
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References
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Boyatzis, R. E., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant leadership: Renewing yourself and connecting with others through mindfulness, hope, and compassion. Harvard Business School Press.
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Cherniss, C., & Goleman, D. (2001). The emotionally intelligent workplace: How to select for, measure, and improve emotional intelligence in individuals, groups, and organizations. Jossey-Bass.
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Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books.
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Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144–156. https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.bpg016
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LeDoux, J. (1996). The emotional brain: The mysterious underpinnings of emotional life. Simon & Schuster.
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Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., & Caruso, D. R. (2008). Emotional intelligence: New ability or eclectic traits? American Psychologist, 63(6), 503–517. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.63.6.503